Psalm 25

Psalm 25 (NRSV)

Something's wrong.

My enemies are afoot. They exult, they gloat over me. They are wantonly treacherous. They betray me. I am lonely and afflicted in their midst. My heart is troubled. I am distressed in my afflictions and my troubles. My foes are many and they hate me with a violent hatred. They do not wait in fear for God to act on my behalf; instead they wait for me to be shamed by God's inaction on my behalf. They mock me. They mock God.

This I understand. I understand it now more than I ever have before. I hear it today with my whole being, like that pulsing sub-subwoofer in that annoyingly stup-stupid car at the never-changing stop-stoplight.

So what, according to this Psalm, should I do? I should repent of my sins. MY sins. I should turn to God's ways. Me. Not my enemies. Me. I should lift up my heart, my soul, my true self, to YHWH, and seek his mercy and forgiveness for my sins, for the transgressions of my youth. I should seek pardon for my guilt, for it is great. I should worry about my integrity and my uprightness. I should ask the Lord to show me his ways, to teach me his paths—because evidently I have lost my way. I should choose to fear the Lord. I should humble myself. And then I should wait for God.

All this must I do lest I become an enemy to my enemies.

This I do not want to understand.

Which makes me wonder: Are my enemies without or within?

Wait. Do not answer too quickly, even though you know the answer. Let me think, even though I know the answer, too.

Wait. Lent is a time of introspection.

Introspect.

Now, then. The answer is—

yes.

Something is wrong. I am.

So far, I have to say, I'm not enjoying Lent all that much. (I hope my enemies aren't either.)