Both Matthew and Mark end without certainty, which is to say
with faith.
At the end of Matthew’s gospel “the eleven disciples went to
Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him,
they worshiped him; but some doubted.” (28:16-17)
Yes, some of the eleven doubted even as they saw him. Yet in Acts, the eleven
are again together in the upper room in Jerusalem, “all joined together
constantly in prayer.” (1:13-14) Their doubt did not preclude their faith, did
not invalidate their faith. Doubt did not engender disobedience or abandonment
of the community. In fact, doubt was an element of their faith, not an
embarrassing lack of faith. “I’m not certain about what just happened here, but
I trust Jesus, so I’m going to Jerusalem with you guys.” By faith, not
certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt, they obeyed. I think this is what the
gospel of Matthew shows us about faith by including those three words: “but
some doubted.”*
Uncertainty rules the ending of Mark’s gospel. First, there
are the textual problems of how the gospel actually ends—uncertainty which is
itself a metaphor for faith. How does this story end? How will it end? We’re not
sure, but can we trust the one whose story it is? Mark thinks so, and wants us
to trust and obey, however it ends.
But suppose you pick an ending of those offered by the
different manuscripts. Do you end with verse 8? Do you end with a young man’s
promise that you will see Jesus in Galilee, to which, “Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled
from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.” I’d say “bewildered” and
“afraid” are strong synonyms for “uncertain.” Yet again, in Acts, among those
who faithfully wait in the upper room along with the eleven are “the women.” Is
it a stretch to assume that among these women are the same ones who fled the
tomb? It doesn’t feel like too much of a stretch to me. Is it then fair to
assume that their faithful obedience was not precluded by their uncertainty,
but rather that their faith included their uncertainty, their fear, and their bewilderment? Can
our faith accommodate our uncertainty, fear, and bewilderment? Can we faithfully
trust and obey Jesus without being certain of what just happened or of the
outcome? Isn’t that the very definition of faith according to both Matthew and
Mark?*
If you’re not comfortable with such uncertain faith, there
is an alternate ending to Mark in which Jesus upbraids those who have heard and
not believed. Among the signs of certain belief are handling snakes and drinking
deadly poison without harm. You know, just like Jesus did.
All of which brings me to this quote from Anne Lamott:
I have a lot of faith. But I am also afraid a
lot, and have no real certainty about anything. I remembered something Father
Tom had told me—that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.
Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the
emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.**
Exactly.
Jesus is the one who is in the mess, the emptiness, the
discomfort of life with us, which is to say he is with us in our doubt and uncertainty. He is the one who has brought, is bringing, and will bring light.
What then shall we do? We shall not fear or flee our doubts
or uncertainties, nor pretend we don’t have any. We shall not proclaim as
certain things which are not. We shall obey anyway. Because that is faith.
_________________________________
*I'm aware that I am a privileged reader of these texts in that I am reading the Acts account back into the gospels. I celebrate that privilege.
**Anne Lamott's quote is from her book, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment